love and relationship

How is it that so many people will do all kinds of things based on their emotions?
How is it that people will do stupid, illogical, or miraculous things? Because of emotion.
Emotion influences behavior more than anything else. As in 'The Secret', you can have the logic but it's often not enough to spur things on.

"You have to FEEL it." Emotion truly is a blessing and so many adults including myself have forgot the amazing power of it.
If we could harness emotion and use it to our advantage with some form of control of it's contextual use, we can accomplish a lot more.

Emotion in it's purest form is overwhelming and inspirational.
There are different forms of emotion. Jealousy, lust, love, romance, envy, hate, rage, joy, happiness, pride, sorrow, pain, bittersweet loss, etc.
what's interesting to me is that emotion is close to natural alpha character. And most happy emotions are evident in women who are not as socially conditioned.

The further someone 'develops' logically or socially, the further they will generally get away from their natural character and ability to feel emotion.
People will say that men aren't emotional. No, we actually are.
But we do show emotion in different ways, but otherwise we often go through the exact same emotions as women.

So how do you create more emotion or experience it? I'd say not to get involved in co-dependencies or open yourself up to being 'used', but rather get in touch with your natural character.
Experience the natural character of the opposite sex.

Can you create emotion? Yes, or rather more accurately, you can harness it. Producer's do it all the time, usually to add value. Marketer's have gotten really good at it, usually to influence behavior of a buying decision.
Why not take control over the use of it and start bringing the truth of it back into your life? That's what I'm doing now.

I haven't felt lonely in probably 15 years because I built up walls to protect myself from other systems and people (especially in the Army where I had to).

Now, I'm finally opening up again to feel things. I wondered how anyone could 'be happy'. Thinking positive just didn't do it for me. I couldn't fathom how people could whistle and sing because it was sunny out. Now I'm starting to realize why.
It's because of emotion. It's because of their connection to nature and their natural (biological) character.

Other than negative emotions and their behavioral byproducts, there is a bad side of emotion. When emotion is used or exploited in the wrong types of relationships.
Emotion is also closer correlated to co-dependency than independence.
This is why millions of men and women will continue to stay in relationships that are otherwise completely unbeneficial to them.

One of my friends is stuck on an X-girlfriend for the emotional 'kick' he gets out of it despite her erratic behavior. Yet it's still an emotional co-dependency of all kinds of unhealthy drama.

However, there are a few people who can experience it all. Think of Tony Robbins and you might get an idea. And don't think you have to be a millionaire to be 'happy'.
Actually, it's often the poorest people in the world that are really the happiest. Emotion is value. Go to a village in South Africa and you're entire reality could shift. You've been valuing the wrong things your whole life when perhaps you looked down upon 'poor' people.

They have the most natural character as well as the purest emotion.
Men who have independence and only operate interdependently with other people can now have all the benefits of emotion WHILE maintaining relational authority and control without co-dependencies.

This is a tremendous amount of power yet with control as well.
We have enough logic not to do something stupid yet we can bask in the pure natural flow of emotion itself.

About The Author

Rion Williams is one of the foremost experts in dating advice, personal power, body language and social dynamics.

Learn how to be an alpha male who is comfortable in his own skin and succeeds with women and dating @ http://www.abovethegame.net Also, you can get instant access to see the 'secret of women' for yourself @ http://www.secretofwomen.com/resources.htm

Enlightened relationships fulfill all aspects of our lives. We trust each other and we feel we are on the same team so we like to help each other. There is a deep sense of belonging. We discuss important issues together. We laugh together. We love to express our sensuality freely, with enthusiasm and a sense of discovery. We feel powerful enough to be vulnerable in each other's presence. We communicate with honesty and openness from our authentic selves. We are nurturing a seed of love that blooms into a flower that expands its essence to our surroundings. As we love, we feel a connection that goes beyond our bodies. We start sensing that we are more than our body and become conscious of the divine connection. We want to live fully and contribute to life.

In other words life together is safe, sexy, powerful, loving, expressive and expanding beyond our bodies.

However, not all relationships have to fulfill all the areas mentioned above. People can form a relationship such as marriage for all sorts of reasons. Some people marry for security, some because of sexual gratification, some because they feel more powerful together than separate, some because they can communicate well together, some for spiritual reasons. Enlightened relationships seem to have the entire gamut of reasons to be together.

During the many years I’ve worked as psychotherapist and Tantric healer, I’ve noticed that any relationship - no matter how it started - can work as long as the couple grows in the same or a compatible direction or are very tolerant of the other being in a completely different space as they are. They love the essence of their partner.

Most of the couples that come to Tantric therapy complain that the partner they chose is no longer fulfilling their needs. Either the sexual expression on which the choice of the marriage was made has become stale or the safety provided by of the marriage contract has become boring and at least one of them is longing for “more” sex and more creativity.

To reach a higher harmony with a more fulfilling love life the knowledge of Tantra is essential as well as being aware of the basic differences between man and woman or, to be more precise, between masculine and feminine energy expressions. So you can substitute the word woman for feminine expression and the word man for masculine expression.

You are not the only one who sometimes feels like men and women are from different planets. Yes, we have fundamentally the same basic needs; however the nature of men and the nature of women have different expressions. I am inviting you to use this information to understand each other and grow together.

Women are turned on through romance; they love hearing how much they are wanted and loved. They want to hear men talk about it in detail. They love to read romance novels and devour the romantic parts. If they read romantic books at all, men usually just skip to the “juicy parts.” Librarians say they have never seen a man pick up a Victorian novel! Men are turned on by visual appearance, color of hair, how an outfit [space] looks, the way a woman moves her head, the way her shoulders are held, the texture of her breast, the smell the woman wears.

An example from a couple I worked with: When Lori came to my Tantric session she complained that Don was only interested in sex. He would come home and grab her breast or her butt and carry her to the bedroom. Don complained that she constantly slaps his hand away and he feels rejected. “She used to like sex when we were going out,” he said exasperated.

He was stunned and confused. I helped him understand what was happening. I asked him to remember how it was at the beginning of their relationship when she was hot for him. I asked him how many times he used to call her during the week to re-affirm his love to her and to make plans to go out. After some pondering he could see how his calling her and often planning something new kept her heart open. He admitted that her heart seemed to expand into a bigger love that translated into a greater turn on. The component of feeling loved emotionally kept her sexual urge high.

When there is a conflict a woman wants to talk about it until she feels heard. Then she’s willing to hear him out until they reach a mutually satisfying agreement. She can seldom be sexually open until there is a resolution. Then her heart can open and therefore the sexual energy can flow through her body allowing for enthusiastic love making. In contrast, after a fight, a man wants to make up by making love. For him, the connection is reestablished by making love, especially by having great intercourse.

Another difference is that when a man ejaculates he emits a hormone that puts him to sleep. When women have orgasms they emit a hormone that wakes them up and increases their energy for more connection. However, Tantric men who have learned to control their ejaculation several times before ejaculating can stay awake and enjoy a long afterglow hug a pillow talk with his woman before falling asleep. This is because of the extra charge of energy engendered from transmuting the sexual charge into love energy. That charge remains in the body even after releasing the semen if they "choose" to do so.

Still another difference: When women are sad, they can still be in the mood for sex, but when they are angry or tired, they are cut off from their sexual flow. Men, on the other hand, can have intercourse when they are angry and they are often surprised to notice where the tiredness goes when an erection emerges.

And finally, men have their highest level of testosterone in the morning while women have their highest level in the evening. Men are often ready to make love in the morning while women would rather turn over and continue to sleep.

Some men I’ve worked with solved this challenge by taking a catnap in the early evening in order to still feel enough energy to make love before going to bed. However, if the woman had to deal with small children during the day she might be exhausted by the evening, too.

The glorious and sexually satisfying relationship requires a willingness to take our male and female differences into consideration to co-create ways to move beyond any perceived limitations. A spiritually fulfilling relationship is our birthright. It takes two to tango in the dance of life and when we move together effortlessly we evolve relationships that work. My commitment is to help people achieve an optimal way of relating based on a real understanding of each other. In my experience, all Tantric exoteric techniques work best if based on understanding, loving and honest communication to achieve a win/win solution to disagreements.

About The Author

Carla Tara is an internationally-acclaimed teacher of Tantra, who masterfully integrates a variety of tantric approaches with body-oriented psychotherapy. She has studied with Eastern masters Chitrabhanu, Dr. Mishra and Dr. Rajmani, as well as with Western teachers Lori Grace, Margo Anand, and Charles Muir and others. Her background as a yoga teacher, psychotherapist, dancer, and relationship counselor contributes to the strength and creativity of her work as a coach to both individuals and couples.

Her most recent achievement is her new book, “Lessons from a Tantric Tango Dancer".For more info you can visit her website at http://www.1tantra.com

As a couples therapist, I don't always give relationship advice. In fact, at its core therapy is a practice of listening and “presence." Often, just the understanding ear of a psychotherapist can be soothing to clients who are experiencing stress. As a result, learning how to listen is a requirement for any effective psychotherapist. Ever cry your heart out to a good friend, and afterwards felt much better even though they may have said very little or anything at all? The reason you felt relieved is because it works wonders.

Unfortunately, we live in a society of "rugged individualism" where many like to be the center of attention, to publicly and unashamedly speak of their problems but rarely caring about the needs of others. (Conflict-driven Reality television and TV talk shows are perfect examples of this.) As a long-time couples and marriage therapist I've seen how a basic inability to listen to ones' partner can spell doom for a relationship. Indeed, learning how to listen to your mate is a fundamental part of any successful union.

The good news is that learning to listen is easy! First, pay attention to your partner. When communicating with someone, directly face them in order to show interest. In fact, by showering your undivided attention upon your partner you show that you value them in a way that few others have.

Maintain eye contact. Your body posture should indicate that not only is your partner important to you, but that they are, at that moment, the only person in the world that matters. Sit down next to them if they're sitting, don't stand.

In addition, remain cognizant of non-verbal behavior. In fact, 90% of communication is non-verbal, so be aware of changing facial expressions such as frowns, a raised eyebrow, or oncoming tears. Importantly, if you don't bother to notice any of those things then you are missing what is TRULY being said! Remember, take it slow. Don't rush through conversations just to get back to doing something else. Turn off all distractions such as the television or radio. Try helping your partner to further elaborate by asking open-ended questions in order to gain more information, and closed-ended questions to increase clarification.

Finally, one important piece of relationship advice: Don't become defensive. If your knee jerk reaction is to get defensive when someone criticizes you, this will greatly hinder your ability to truly hear what your partner is saying.

In conclusion, you have been equipped with some tools and techniques that will enable you to better communicate with your partner. Learning to listen is a skill that takes a little time to master, but try it and I promise you'll see positive results!

About The Author

Emily Kensington is a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marital therapy. Her website is http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com.

Copyright 2007. Reprint granted ONLY with author's link, name, and full credit noted.

When you’re looking for that special someone, you need to figure out who this person is going to be. Knowing what you want and who you’re looking for really helps you find the right person.

We once attended a seminar on relationships where attendees were asked to design their perfect mates as specifically as possible. The goal was to create a wish list of all the qualities and characteristics we felt were important.

It was a great exercise — a lot of the attendees realized that they didn’t know what they wanted, although they had very specific ideas of what they didn’t want. A few months later, the participants reunited to complete the final part of the seminar, which analyzed our results. We were blown away by how many participants had met people who matched most of the criteria on their list. It was as if putting it down on paper reinforced the belief in their mind’s eye. Or perhaps by defining what they wanted, they became more conscious of those qualities when they saw them in a potential partner.

Either way, this exercise worked for a large number of people. Visualizing your ideal partner and the relationship you want is a great motivator. Athletes have long understood this process of imagery and will visualize a goal before acting on it. You can do the same with your love life. Give it a shot now! You have nothing to lose.

Close your eyes and picture your ideal partner. Engage all your senses. How does this person smell? What does he or she look like? Listen to this person’s voice. How does it sound? When you kiss, how do you feel? Where are you? What are you doing? Are your friends and family around?

How does he or she interact with them? Try this a few times until the picture becomes clear, then take out a piece of paper and make a list of the most important characteristics of this partner.

List about 20 qualities that mean something to you. What values and attributes does this person have? Look over your list and separate your “deal breakers” from your “ideals.” “Deal breakers” are the absolute nonnegotiable traits, like finding a partner who wants children or is of the same religion (if those traits are important to you).

“Ideals” are more about the attributes or traits you’d prefer, like “ambitious” or “good sense of humor.” By prioritizing which qualities are important and which are ideal, you’ll discover what you’re absolutely unwilling to accept and where you’ve got some flexibility.

Be Flexible

Don’t be overly specific when you think about your ideal partner — such as wanting “tall blondes” or “no bald guys.” Celebrate individuality and be open to new possibilities.

You could end up ruling out the woman or man of your dreams simply because they have the wrong hair color or are a few hairs short. Remember, it’s a wish list, and nobody’s perfect. Over the coming months, it will change and grow as you discover what’s really important

to you in a relationship. Remain flexible and open with your “ideals.”

Fools Rush In

One of the biggest dating mistakes many singles make is when people are in too much of a rush to settle down. Disaster! They hook up with the first compatible person who comes along, instead of dating several people and then making a powerful choice as to what’s best for them.

Give yourself time to choose. The dating experience teaches you a great deal about what’s really important to you in a partner and what you have to offer. By observing yourself, you will gain new insight into how you react to different situations, and which problems you bring into each relationship. It’s only when you are inside the dynamic of a relationship that you can truly discover these things — otherwise it’s all “in your head.”

About The Author

Alana Beyer

For more information on dating visit It's Just Lunch Dating in Totonto .
http://www.itsjustlunchtoronto.com

Everything has it's own purpose, is meaningful and so are relationships. But what is the hidden meaning in them all?

I believe that the meaning in relationships is to meet other people - souls - to experience love with them. And through this mutual experience both change and keep one another's soul in desired condition given by Fate.

Some relationships are excellent, some acceptable, other bad. Regardless of which of them you are experiencing right now, you always exchange some energy with other person when being in any type of relationship with her.

If love relationship accompanied by sexual intercourse, you touch each other's soul very deeply, because it is said that sexual organs are connected with the deepest and main energetic centre of human soul. So to touch other people fully, one must experience sexual connection with them. And to make this connection productive and touch the love as such even more deeply, it has to give birth to children who are other souls coming to live on the Earth, so through love relationship in which you are making love with person of opposite gender and then you have children with him or her you fullfil the deepest and main form of what love and relationships can provide you and what you can provide them as well. So marriage, family and then children is the main thing most of people should strive for.

Every of us is different to experience different love and relationships. Therefore there are also sexual deviations to love the other person's soul differently, to gain unusual way of experience and feelings of specific attraction towards the other part of his or her body, gender, age, than most of other people do.

Whereas a lot of people are predestined to experience positive feelings from good relationships and happy love affairs, others have to suffer as they are not that lucky. But if a man had no relationships with other people, his soul would have been divided from their souls and would gradually lost connection with them.

As all is ruled by the opposites like darkness and light, colds and warm weather, love and hate, pleasure and pain, some of our relationships must be lucky and some unlucky. Furthermore, at every age a different part of the soul is experienced. Every experience at every age transforms our soul and re-charge it's energy, so we must be in love both when we are young children and when we turn into adult people and then into old men. But every part of our soul that rules the given age in question must remember some love.

Because love and relationships should mainly be positive for all the participating people, the main concern of which is to exchange positive love-related energy with other humans, all the bad relationships evoking negative emotions in us should be avoided.

In conclusion, we should remember to looking for good relationships and love, but also be aware that if a bad relationship and hate, it had also some point and so let you never feel too much sorry about that.

About The Author
Pavel Kastl
I am the author of free ebooks on spiritual knowledge, martial arts and dogs. To learn more on the subject that I am writing about, please visithttp://www.free-ebooks.net.ru/
http://www.pavelbooks.net.ru/