love and relationship

Is there any such thing as a soul mate? Yes, there are soul mates for everyone in the world. You will find that you may find your soul mate in the least likely place or in the least likely person, but you will find someone who can love you and care for you when you need them. A soul mate is a person who you love and loves you back for no reason at all. A soul mate is deeper than lust.

You don’t lust for the person, though you may every now and then, but you are just as happy sitting with them watching TV as you are in the bedroom. You will find that your soul mate is like no other boyfriend. When you find a soul mate, you will feel something that you have never felt before.

Is there more than one soul mate out there? When it comes to answering your feelings, you will find that most people are 50/50 on this one. You may find that you love more than one man deeply in your life. There are more than a billion people in the world and your chances of having more than one soul mate is possible, however, most people believe in the one and only.

The one and only soul mate that you will ever have, but you will find that there are going to be many men in your life that make you feel so much. A soul mate is deeper than lust; it’s deeper than love. When you find a soul mate, you just know that they are going to be different.

1) To find your soul mate you have to be open to the world. There are messages and signs all around us; you just have to know how to read them. There are signs all around you that will lead you to your soul mate. When you begin to find the signs, you will find your soul mate. The universe is constantly moving you towards your own utopia. It is trying to move you towards your soul mate, your destiny, and your happiness.

2) You will know when you meet your soul mate; you will feel something that you have never felt. It’s like having love at first sight, but it feels deeper. You feel so much, in your heart, for a person before you even get to know a person. You will just know when you have met your soul mate.

Everything that you need to know lies in their eyes. If you can look into their eyes and see yourself, you have just met the man that will forever affect your life.

A soul mate may not last forever, however, it will last long enough for you to get what you need out of them. They may be there to comfort you and to care for you when others desert you. They may be there to encourage you to reach for your dreams. They promise to give you the world and then the follow through with their words. They are they for you when you truly need them.

A soul mate simply means that you never have to say I love you, because they, as well as you, already know. It’s never having to say you’re sorry, because you know they are. It is knowing what they feel without having to say a word.

1) To attract your soul mate you have to open your heart to the world. You have to take the time to sit in a park and watch the world pass you by. When you do this, you are able to feel all that the world feels.

2) Notice the signs. When you walk to work, look up to the buildings, look at everything around you. Don’t walk with your head looking straight ahead, you are blocking out the universe. Take in the world by acknowledging the world.

3) Be open to everything, you may meet your soul mate online or on a subway or on a blind date. You never know where you may meet them, so be open to every experience.

Be kind to others. Today, it is sometimes not safe to extend and open hand to others, but you can smile to everyone who passes you by on the street. You may want to pull out a dollar for the local charity or homeless person that you meet. You can be kind to the universe, by being kind to those who pass you by.

4) Do something for someone who you don’t even know. This will not only make you feel good, but it will also make someone else become open to the world. Open the phone book and pick a random name. Send them a dollar in the mail. It will make you and the other person happy and appreciative to the world.

5) Be patient. You don’t want to rush fate, or you’ll get cheated. You don’t want to rush into a relationship to be in a relationship, you need to wait and find someone who is your soul mate. It may happen at 15, 25, or maybe even 45. No one knows when you’ll meet your one, however, if you open yourself up to the world, then you will be able to find the love of your life much quicker.

6) Listen to your heart. You may find yourself in a relationship, but you aren’t truly feeling them. You will want to follow your heart. Your heart is an internal guide that will allow you to find the path to your soul mate.

7) Give everyone a chance. You may know someone and not even realize that they are your soul mate. The most unusual places; the ones that you would never think about will actually be your soul mate. Go against your normal status of acceptable dates and take a chance. It may turn into something much more than just conversation; they may be your soul mate.

About The Author
Cucan Pemo
What Men Want – What Men Need – What Men Secretly DesireTake a peek into his inner world and know what your man wants today! Secrets about his inner desires, wants and needs all revealed!Tons of useful love tips, stories, news, amazing surveys, free articles about men. Discover what men want and how you can allow him to fall hopelessly in love with you! Click here!

Are you happy with your lovelife or would you like to see it improved?

No matter who you are, there are times when "the bedroom" is not the loving and fun room it should be. There are of course numerous reasons why this may happen but there are some simple things you can do to help you make things better.

Your bedroom acts as a magnet both literally and metaphorically for your relationships. It is also where you sleep during the night renewing your energy levels in preparation for what the world has to offer to you the next day.

It is most likely where your romantic life is centered - unless of course you like to experiment - perhaps you're a free spirit who likes to commune with the outdoors ;-)

Your bedroom is your and your homes sanctuary.

The positioning and layout within it plays a massive role not only on your passion and romance chances but also your health, wealth and other relationships in general.

Careful attention should indeed be paid on this highly important room. When you get it right, positive energy (called "chi" by the Chinese and "ki" by the Japenese) will flow easily through your home.

Get it wrong...

All things in life are connected at the minute quantum level and the following information will help guide you so you and your relationships flourish:

1. Make sure your bedroom "feels" inviting - it must fulfill the role of a place of safety for you. When you look at the state of your bedroom now - what does it say to and about you? Does it say "I'm at home with myself" or is it a big jumble and in disarray? Is it just functional - it's purpose only for sleeping in your eyes, if so - if you want your love life to change, then this has got to change too.

2. Look around at all of the items - furniture/trinkets etc... in your bedroom. Do you have good/loving memories and feelings for these items? Or are there items which hold bad memories? If there are - get rid of them, they hold a residual energy and act as a constant reminder to your non-conscious mind. How about photos? Are there any old flames "hanging around" - again, chuck them out - you do want to move on to a new relationship - don't you?

3. Your bed should be the focal point of the room - this is where both "action" and "inaction" takes place, where you are both energized and renewed. Does your bedroom have a "personality problem"? Is it in effect multitasking? Do you have a home office or perhaps a treadmill beside you? Again, these items should not be here. You want to focus on your relationships rather than your body or mind in this room - move them out. If this is not possible due to space constraints, you will need to use a screen to keep them "at bay".

4. The ever present TV. Yes it can be cosy to curl up in bed and watch a great movie but a TV sends out a stream of positive ions (rather than positive chi) - this device is "yang" in nature and will ensure your body does not get the rest it requires. It also represents a 3rd party in the room - not particularly conducive to a stable and healthy monogomous relationship... Once again - the TV has got to go.

5. Make sure your bed is as far away from the door to your room as you can. If you are unable to see the door, you will feel ill at ease at a subconscious level - this is because you will sense you cannot see if an intruder will enter your room (heaven forbid!). This unease will of course impact how you rest at night.

6. Choose a bed which has a solid and sturdy headboard. In Form School Feng Shui, the headboard represents a supportive mountain to your back.

7. Your bed holds residual energy from those who have come and gone before. In an ideal world, if you have had a partner and wish to attract a new one, you should purchase a new bed. This gives you and your new relationship an optimal chance to flourish. Regardless, you should invest in the best bed you can as if you sleep 8 hours per day, this means you will spend 1/3 of your entire life in it!

About The Author

I have been with my girlfriend for the last six years and our relationship is never boring. A few times a week I give my girlfriend flowers. Usually I buy a bouquet of roses. She loves roses and I love giving them to her. I love seeing the smile on her face every time she receives my gift. She always tells me that I am so thoughtful.

When we go out, I always open the door for my girlfriend. The same goes for the car door. I open and shut the door for her. In the morning I always wake my girlfriend up with coffee in bed. She loves it.

I know most guys will not go this far for their girlfriends. My male friends think I am crazy. My female co-workers think I am amazing. They always tell me that they wished their boyfriend's would do it to them. They all tell me that when they started dating, their boyfriend's would always open doors and give flowers. But, as the relationship grew their boyfriends at first occasionally forgot and then just stopped unless it was a special occasion like a birthday. A few of them are jealous.

The interesting thing is that a few of my male friends tell me that you must treat a woman with a little aloofness. You must show her you are in control. Don't let her think you are too soft or she will take advantage of you. Well, I think these are all mistaken ideas. Most of my friends who always tell me they know better are not married. They are always with a new girl every time I meet them. I have a friend who in the past six years has been married twice and had five live in girlfriends. They always leave him. Why? He thinks that being selfish will keep the girls with him. Hopefully, after I show him this short report he will learn not to be so selfish. If he is smart he will at least come to understand that he is doing something wrong.

I love to buy little gifts once or twice a week for my girlfriend. They are not expensive gifts. I always find just some little things that she likes. Most are just cost a few dollars. But, by the way she smiles, she looks like she is getting a diamond.

I will try to surprise her with a night out at least once a week. We leave the kids with the grandparents and we will go to dinner then maybe a movie or to a concert and sometimes we go bowling or to the local Borders Book Store. Every now and then I surprise her by taking her for a weekend to the country. We will just start driving without a destination in mind, and when we feel like it we will find a hotel and spend a weekend there. It is fun and always different.

I have discovered that in relationships as in life, you get what you give. Give respect, caring and love and you will receive it back tenfold. Try a few of these suggestions and you might be pleasantly surprised how well your relationship will improve.

About The Author

It's interesting that people will spend a lot of thought and time on choosing a significant purchase - say a car or a house - but not give the same kind of thought when it comes to choosing a life partner. Sure they think about it at length and maybe have a dream that they will meet a perfect replica of George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, or whatever is their taste. That aside, it is surprising how many people can't clearly define what they are looking for.

Maybe they feel that they will know it when they find it. A guy I know was in the tie section of a major store, when an assistant asked him what kind of tie he was looking for! So there are some times when it really is a case of 'I'll know it when I see it.'

So instead of just waiting and hoping, what about making a list of what is important to you, and how important it is? Yes this will sound a bit pedantic and clinical, but it is the only sound way to get a clear idea. And you could find you are in for a surprise or two along the way, with things you never really considered before you sat down to do this exercise.

Let's take as an example, choosing a house / flat / apartment etc. The method goes like this: firstly you take some time to list all the features you would like. For example: two bedrooms, facing South, adequate parking, cost less than £X, freehold or long lease, no neighbour problems, available within two months....we could go on and on. And that is the point - do list absolutely everything that is important to you. If it's not important, don't include it. The second and really important stage is to decide how important each thing is to you. Some would be deal-breakers (meaning if this isn't right, you'll walk away and look elsewhere). This feature, whatever it is, is a must-have. My dad for example, always said never buy anywhere that might flood. Yeah yeah, we thought, fine...but in recent years, sudden freak weather has rather proved he had a point. But the key thing is to decide on your deal-breakers, whatever they may be.

After listing your deal-breakers - you then need to rank how important each of the other things is to you. What other people think is irrelevant. It's what YOU want that matters. So maybe you give a score out of 5 to each item, where 5 is top importance and 1 is still important, but low priority. You can see how this will help you make an impartial decision when it comes to properties that you look at, because you have already decided on the factors that matter. You then just score each property according on each factor, and add up your totals.

This may sound rather unromantic and clinical, but you can apply this system to help understand what you are looking for in your prospective partner. Which in turn, may help you work out where is the best place to find that person. And how to write a profile for online dating sites that helps other members to decide if they fit or don't. Saving their time and yours. After all, this article is addressed to people who are looking for that 'life partner' and what could be more important than that?

Let's take a look at what you might want to put on your list. Keep in mind this is your list and my examples may be quite wrong for you, or may miss out things that are really important to you. Think first about 'core values'. The things that are fundamental about the person you're looking for. Because they really matter to you. For instance, religious belief (or lack of), views on fidelity, how sociable or private they are, career- minded or not, active and sporty or not. ...and so on. What we are getting at here, is what are your 'essentials' in terms of how your prospective partner lives their life and what is important to them. A friend of mine for example, feels strongly about environmental issues, and really couldn't be with someone unless they share that view. Someone else might be very active and sociable, wanting to be out a lot of the time. Or the opposite, enjoying quiet evenings at home. You get the picture.

Some other things may be to do with shared interests and hobbies. Or whether they like the same kind of films, books, TV programmes, music, how they spend their spare time and so on. Others may be more of a personal preference, such as hair colour, height, build and the like. You are writing the list and you should make it as complete as you can. Otherwise you run the risk of taking decisions just on the basis of one or two things. Yes it might be great that the other person is also a big fan of Cold Play (if you are, too) but what about all their other characteristics and preferences?

So let's say you've done your long list of desirable and essential things in your next partner and you have put it in order of importance. Now you need to take another look at the finished product and check you are not being so selective that almost nobody will fit. There is likely to be some room for compromise, so be realistic. If you are an overweight 45 year old guy, is it likely that a trim athletic blond of 32 will be interested in you? Great if it happens, but kind of unlikely. This exercise will really help you decide what you are looking for and how important some of the criteria are to you. It can help you know up front what you have to avoid because you know it will only lead to regrets later. But it can also be a help in getting you to remove or adjust some of the items on your 'wish list' that are limiting your choices too much.

About The Author

My granddaughter, Merritt Miles, at five years old, was the inspiration for, 8 Keys to Lasting Love. While reading her a fairy tale I was very disturbed by what I was about to say to her when I read; "And they lived happily ever after."

So, I took the liberty of changing the ending to, "They began the work of creating a very good marriage." I didn't want Merritt thinking, as so many of my clients had, that marriage was so simple, that it just magically happened and couples lived happily every after.

As a marriage and family therapist for thirty years, I have seen the pain people experience after the honeymoon is over, when they awaken realizing they have married a mere mortal. I hope my granddaughter, as she enters adulthood, will avoid the pitfalls and pain of those who succumb to this "happily ever after" myth.

1. Stop blaming. Start living. It is our responsibility, and not our partner's, to feel better and to heal. Our partner will be responsible to us, but not for us. So it's useful, instead of blaming our partner, to ask ourselves these two questions, "Why did I draw this person into my life?” and “What is it that I need to learn from this?” Within a good marriage, we grow up.

2. Avoid the fixer-upper syndrome. We think we can fix our partner and shape them into perfection. Our version of perfection. So many people marry for potential. Never marry potential. Marry for safety, the safety between two people who accept one another faults and all.

3. Make a promise to keep our integrity. Do not hold onto victim hood like a prize. This doesn't allow us to grow. Work on behaviors that make our partner want to change by being kind and loving. Vent our feelings, without being out of control. If we are in a relationship that does not have mutual respect, over time we may need professional help. Preferably, we would seek that help with our partner.

4. Eliminate attack thoughts. These types of thoughts are incredibly destructive over time. If we attack other people, ourselves and our thoughts, it really interferes with our happiness and peace of mind.

Learn to find the joy, even in difficult times. As Mother Theresa once said, "Our best protection is a joyful heart."

5. Do not hold onto anger. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Turn attack thoughts into constructive thoughts and actions. Think thoughts that are appreciative of ourselves and our partner. And express those thoughts often. When we build an emotional bank account full of positive thoughts, we have positive emotional currency to counter with when angry times come.

6. Wake up, without makeup. On soap operas I’ve seen women wake up first thing in the morning with all their makeup on, false eyelashes and all. That is not the real world. What we need to do for a successful marriage is to learn to be more and more real. What we need to do for a successful marriage is learn to feel more and more safe to be who we truly are.

7. Wake up and make up. It is essential that couples learn to repair and heal after every fight. Find solutions. Do not get stuck rehashing the past. Live in the present, and find ways to keep the marriage buoyant and alive. Happy couples learn how to repair differences.

8. To change our relationship, the place to start is with changing ourselves first. Better to reinvent ourselves, because we are not going to be able to change our partner. Learn to love in a mature way without trying to control or manipulate. C.S. Lewis once said, "To love without control or manipulation is to be surprised by joy." We will truly be surprised by joy when we can live in the moment with our partner. And within ourselves.

About The Author

1. CELEBRATE VALENTINES DAY EVERY DAY: Love is a practice. Say I love you in the morning and at night... more is better.Share with one another the things that give you the greatest pleasure and help one another's dream come true. For example if you partner loves music, bring home CDs or tickets to concerts often. If your partner loves football watch with him on a regular basis. Remember these are GIFTS and are done without resentment;you are dream-makers. A good relationship is like good sex---both partners give and receive what they want.

2. HEAT UP THE BEDROOM: Since most men are visual,they appreciate lingerie.Women tend to need to be "talked up" during the day. However,everyone is different so you need a love map to one another.

3. MAKE CONNECTIONS: Research shows that happy couples connect often with their eyes, soft voice ,body language. Cool couples have habitual ways they distance. Communicate connection. Use soft eyes when you look at your partner and touch often.

4. LIVE PASSIONATELY AND NOT JUST FOR PASSION: A wise Native American once said, "As you go the way of life you will see a great chasm. Jump... It is not as wide as you think." If your life is cool, how can your relationship stay hot?

5. IN LOVING THE SPIRITUAL IT IS DIFFICULT TO DESPISE THE EARTHLY. Develop a spiritual practice together. You can use prayer, inspirational readings, meditation. Offer gratitude to one another by sharing one thing you appreciate about your partner before you go to sleep. This practice builds a positive emotional bank account. Spiritual practice generates warmth that heats up the relationship.

6. DON'T JUST SURVIVE,VISUALIZE: Visualize your dream relationship. Close your eyes and feel the warmth and connection. Affirm what you want. Our unconscious mind is filled with negative thoughts. Retrain your brain. Many people never saw a model of a hot relationship so they need lots of visualization practice. A famous neuroscientist observed, "In the brain, practice makes permanent"

7. WE CANNOT STOP LIFE'S SORROWS BUT WE CAN CHOOSE JOY: Mother Theresa said, "Our best protection is a joyful heart" Have fun together. Act like kids. Masters and Johnson observed good sex is like two children under the sheets.

8. WAKE UP WITHOUT MAKE-UP: We cannot have true intimacy unless we drop our masks.Live every day like Valentines Day instead of Halloween!

As William Blake attests," men and women are not alien creatures....we all want the same things". Positive touch is so important it helps people love longer, decrease blood pressure, and improve the immune system. Renee Spitz was the first to identify that although babies in orphanages were fed and changed if they weren't held, they'd die.

Dr. Linda Miles has been a psychotherapist for over thirty years and is determined to share many of the things she has learned. She had seen countless couples who behave in a cold and indifferent way to one another because they lack the skills to keep the fire burning. If they could have life-affirming, "lived" experiences instead of celebrating what is dead, their disagreements would seem trivial and the distance cold and lonely. She offers these keys to more meaningful connection.

About The Author

Couples that have a very good relationship are not just lucky. Successful, loving relationships do not just happen. The couples that have loving relationships are taking specific actions that people in unsuccessful relationships are not taking.

ACTION 1 - KINDNESS TO SELF AND OTHER

Think for a moment about how you go through your day. Are you focused on what you don’t like in yourself or your partner? Do you spend much of your thinking time judging yourself or your partner? Or, do you make the spiritual attribute of kindness to yourself and others, including your partner, your highest priority?

People in successful relationships treat themselves and their partner with kindness – kind words, kind actions, kind looks, kind listening, and kind thoughts. It is far more important to them to be kind than to try to control their partner with anger, judgment, criticism, irritation, blame, resistance or withdrawal.

ACTION 2 - PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR FEELINGS

People in loving relationships do not make their partner responsible for their feelings. When they feel angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, resentful, irritated, guilty, or shamed, they look within at their own thoughts and behavior that may be causing their painful feelings. They do not see themselves as victims of their partner’s choices. Rather, they learn how to manage their own feelings without dumping their upset on their partner. When they can’t manage their own feelings, they get the help they need rather than dump anger, blame, anxiety or depression onto their partner.

ACTION 3 - ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY

People in successful relationships take responsibility for managing their time and space in ways that work for themselves and their partner. They make sure they have enough time with each other to talk, learn, resolve conflict, play and make love. The make sure they have time with children, time for chores, time for work and time for relaxation. They take care of their mutual living spaces in ways that respect their partner’s needs. If one partner tends to be neat and the other messy, they both strive to make their living environment pleasant for both of them rather than either of them complying, controlling, or resisting. Because their highest priority is kindness to themselves and each other, they are motivated to discover ways of living together that meets both of their needs.

ACTION 4 - FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

Successful couples make sure that they not only earn enough to support themselves, but they learn how to manage their money in ways that do not create stress for themselves or their partner. They decide mutually if both of them will work or not. Partners in loving relationships do not unilaterally decide to stop working and live off the other person. Nor does either partner make unilateral financial decisions that have a negative effect on the other partner.

In successful relationships, one partner does not spend money in such as way as to create stress for the other person. Loving partners mutually decide on their budget and then both of them stick to it.

ACTION 5 - HEALTH AND WELLBEING

When two people care deeply about themselves and each other, they strive to take care of their physical health. Loving partners do not behave in ways that cause their partner to fear for their wellbeing. They do not take unnecessary risks, such as riding a motorcycle without a helmet, or participating in activities that could harm their eyes without wearing goggles. They don’t drink and drive. They eat well, get enough exercise, and don’t smoke. People in loving relationships do not want their partner to suffer the grief of their loss through premature illness, so they strive to take good care of themselves – partly out of caring for themselves, and partly out of caring for their partner.

Once again – successful relationships don’t just happen. They are the result of each person taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, and spiritual responsibility within their relationship.

About The Author

"It's a funny thing about life: If you refuse to accept anything but the very best, you will often get it." W. Somerset Maugham.

Are you focusing on who and what you want with a partner? Or are you focusing on who and what you don't want? Because, we do get exactly what we expect.

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, famous author and Jungian analyst, created these 12 characteristics to seek in a long-term partner. The 12 points are listed below, and then I expanded upon them.

Here is a Guide for Conscious Choices in a Partner.

Kindness and Respect - The expression, "we should treat family like strangers and strangers like family," is indicative of the amount of disrespect that is tolerated in relationships. This attitude is a barrier to the basic building blocks of long-term goodwill and respect.

Ability To Learn: Curiosity - Although it is normal to have disagreements and power struggles, many couples fail to learn from conflicts and may repeat the same self-destructive scenarios and behaviors for decades. We shouldn’t talk unless we can improve on silence. As James Thurber noted, our tendency is to look back in anger or forward in fear, instead of "around in awareness."

Flexibility - Many people grew up in rigid families, with rigid roles. Consequently, it doesn’t occur to them to let go of patterns that clearly aren’t working.

Ability To Hear Your Pain - This is what often brings couples into therapy, because they have not learned to sit and listen to one another with empathy and compassion.

A Deep Inner Life On A Personal Journey - Often couples becomes too fused together, losing their individual joys and passions.

Similar Passions - (Ability to have many varied good times together) - Many couples lose their pleasure bond with each other, sharing mostly complaints and drudge.

Similar Values - Unfortunately we read too many "happily ever after" fairy tales, instead of understanding the importance of conscious negotiation of rules, roles, religion, and money issues, early-on in couple-hood.

Compassion - Many people learn "shame and blame" games in their family. They engage in rascal hunting and learn to use these behaviors in close relationships. Families fail to watch each other with "soft eyes," (Levine 1995) in order to address problem behaviors in a gentle manner without judgment about toward partners. Often a partner will take the "moral high ground" and lecture to the other about perceived inadequacies. Instead, of compassion shared between two equals, partners often relate to each other like they are parents of children.

Ability To Laugh At Ones Self - Because many people grew up in a shame-blame environment, it is difficult for them to look at themselves lightly.

Substance Abuse, Dishonesty, Cover-up - A lack of knowledge about substance abuse introduces a wild card into relationships. Also, dishonesty and cover-up cause a build-up of bad feelings, becoming ”brown stamps.” This can lead to what I call the “anchovy pizza” syndrome. In my practice I have seen countless couples who’ve saved “brown stamps” of bad feelings, until they are ready to cash them in at the break-up redemption center. In one such case, a woman saved book after book of bad feelings about her husband’s inability to hear her needs. The last stamp was pasted when he ordered an anchovy pizza. She hated anchovies. Then, she announced, to his shock, that the pizza was the last food he’d ever order for her, because she wanted a divorce.

Ability To Be A Friend And Not Just A Lover - Passion without friendship in relationships, is like doing somersaults on a circus trapeze without a safety net.

Someone Who Makes Your Life Bigger, Not Smaller - Unfortunately, too many people grew up seeing family in terms of correction-city, drudge and duty. Consequently, they perceive commitment as a prison sentence, instead of a shared adventure.

Although, this is an easy list to memorize, the difficulty lays in breaking the patterns that prevent maintenance of our desired behaviors. Peggy Papp, a famous family therapist remarked that we come out of our own family of origin with a “cookie-cutter” approach to life and it requires “heroic moments” to change the shape of our own cookie-cutters.

Visualize your dream relationship several times a day and that will help to begin to change your cookie-cutter. Focus on who and what you want, instead of who and what you don’t want. Only one person can defeat you in the endeavor, that person is you. Inner correction creates outer correction.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Man is just about as happy as he makes up his mind to be.”

About The Author

Relationships, especially couple relationships, can be trying at times, but it's not hard to be a happy couple. Below are 10 simple, everyday ways to keep things fresh and good.

1. Make eye contact with each other. Eye contact should be made especially

a. when you are discussing something serious and
b. when you say those three little words. Come on, you know what I'm talking about!

2. Never forget to put your beloved first. Be ready to drop everything for him or her at any time. Remind yourself time after time how blessed you are.

3. Make sure you tell them how important they are to you. This is simple yet an easy thing to forget.

4. Don't take anything for granted. Remember, you two are soul mates, and you don't find soul mates every day because it is not easy to find. There is a good reason you two are together, so don't forget how special that is.

5. Keep up the physical contact with each other. When you come home from a long day at work, remember to give your partner a big hug. You don't even have to say anything at all. Physical contact helps us to remind how we feel about each other, without having to use words to express it.

6. When you have a tough and stressful day, leave the day's stresses behind. Cool down; time spent with your partner should be relaxing. It should be the best time of the day; the time you look forward to.

7. Find out what are your dreams as well as your partner's dreams. Share these with each other. This will help to draw you together. You should always be honest about what you want out of life and your relationship. If you don't say it, how can he or she know?

8. Give each other gifts for no reason. You would be amazed what a boost this gives to a relationship between man and woman. When they ask you what it is, just tell them that you thought of them when you saw the thing you purchased.

9. Always be supportive to your partner. Tell them clearly that whatever trials and troubles they have, you will be there by their side. Weathering the storm together will strengthen your love, make it stronger. Knowing that nothing will break you apart. also gives you confidence,

10. Listen men: Opening the door for her is always a good thing to do as well as compliment her new hairdo or clothes. Remember to keep the toilet seat down.

Somebody will that such things sound insignificant. If you are among them, you need to keep this list in your breast pocket and get to studying it!

About The Author

Can you find love love without relationship or relationship without love? It all boils down to what you are looking for, or what you are ready to give. You have to be willing to nurture love. You have to be willing to nurture relationship. As the saying goes, do unto others as you'd like done unto you.

If we take a deeper look inside love and relationship, we can see that there are a few components or rules of engagements, if you prefer, that one has to follow in order to have lasting and enjoyable love and relationship.

Laying the foundation is a must in order to have a long-lasting relationship. After that, we can look at compatibility or incompatibility, good communication, hability to share, etc.

What is the definition of a good relationship? It is one based on trust, love, and faith, self-control and sharing. When one partner is giving more than the other one, this is not love. One is taking advantage of the other. When one partner trusts that his or her partner is faithful and trustworthy while the partner is out spreading it around like there is no tomorrow then someone is bound to get hurt.

Friendship is commitment between two or more people, and often friends join in activities. Friendship should also be about having fun together, entertain one another, and good communication. True friends will go the extra mile for the sake of the relationship. Friends will not interfere with each other’s life, unless the friend sees the need to address an issue that is causing the friend harm, or about to cause him/her harm.

Friends that develop into serious intimate relationships, often work through somekind of arrangement regardless of the storms laid before them. Friendship before intimacy is the way to go, since the two have an overview of the others behaviors, habits, personality, skills, et cetera.

Mistakes are a part of life, and we should all learn from our mistakes. When a person learns from their mistakes, it illustrates loyalty and commitment. Mistakes made in relationship can help us appreciate humanity, love as well as life itself.

A good relationships include giving and taking. When one partner is giving more than the other is, the result of that will be failure. Giving includes intimacy, caring, sharing, understanding et cetera. When two people share they are giving the best of each other, thus the relationship often leads to love. Giving is one of the elements that compose love. Love is the ultimate of it all. Don't we all want to love or be loved?

About The Author

I’ve got one big question. It’s a question that will make everything in your relationship completely worthwhile… even the bits that get on your nerves and cause you head and heart aches…

It’s the type of question you wouldn’t ordinarily ask - but that’s okay, because you didn’t know to ask it… until now!

For most people, relationships don’t go smoothly. Undercurrents, disputes, emotions, periods, children, habits, morals, values, work hours and workloads, these are just a few of the kind of things that can cause conflicts. But what if I told you something…

What if I told you it’s not about the issue?

My philosophy is that no issue is bigger than the relationship. If we’re honest it’s never really the issue that causes the problem. What causes the problem is the emotions behind the issue.

And what causes the emotions?

What causes the our relationship conflicts is, at the core, very rarely the issue that’s in front of us now. This may seem hard to take at first so let me explain a little more.

When we react to something someone says or does we are in effect re-acting - behaving in way we acted before. This is what we might call learned behaviour. We may have learned that behaviour in a number of ways: watching our parents behaviour in a relationship, seeing it on TV, our own experience etc.

Are these learned re-actions appropriate in all circumstances?

I’d say no. A few days ago my partner made a sweeping statement that… well… to be frank, pushed all my buttons. What she said was like a red rag to a bull. Thankfully I caught myself before any real damage was done. I immediately knew there was nothing wrong with what she had said, or how she had said it. But the words she used, reminded me of someone else and a pattern of behaviour I ran with them. This is the type of conditioned, unconscious, response I’m talking about.

If your partner presses your buttons does it mean the relationship bad?

Conflict doesn’t have to mean the relationship is bad. It can indicate that you, or your partner, or most probably both of you, on occasions, have some things that you need to become more aware of. If you can begin to view your relationship as a playground to work these things out, the relationship can become a whole new arena of fun and games. And this is where my question can really help…

My question will get you thinking about the how you can help yourself and your relationship become a harmonious haven rather than a gladiator’s ring. It will help you be a more understanding person for your partner and it will help to spare you from saying things you’ll regret later.

The question is profoundly simple. But when you ask it and use the outcome effectively you begin to take your relationship onto a new level. Things that used to cause you problems will vanish. And when new things come up they’ll have very little power.

When you find your buttons have been pushed the question you have to ask is this: What’s this really about?

Simple isn’t it. But it takes you right to the heart of the matter. As I said, relationship conflict is rarely about an issue and more to do with the conditioned responses.

By asking my question what you do is take the conditioned behaviour and transform it into the conscious. In effect what begins to happen is this: you move beyond the past conditioned response that causes conflict and are left with the current issue. This question allows you to understand what’s going on inside you. Knowing this means you can then bypass the past and deal with what is currently before you.

But what if you don’t want to move beyond the past?

Then I guess you’ll continue to re-act it out… until the pain and loss get the better of you.

My very good wishes

Neil

About The Author

A broken heart is hard to deal with no matter how the break up goes down. It is something that may hurt for a long time to come.

You need to figure out how to get over a broken heart when it happens. It may not be something that you want to think about but you have to do it because life does go on and you need to take advantage of it.

There are going to be different phases of the breakup. You need to go through them all so that you are able to achieve the sense of security and love that you once did. Having these feelings are going to be good for you but you do not want to take them too far.

This will only make things harder on you when it comes to getting on with your life. There are predicable phases of a break up. You may have been through them before, but there are some good ways to deal with your strong feelings and get over that broken heart fast!

1. You need to share your feelings.

Getting out what you are feeling is going to make you feel better inside. You want to share these feelings with your friends and family or anyone that will listen to you. Having a good support is going to help you get through the tough times faster. You do not have to let it out all at once. Talk about it slowly and work your way up to getting it all out in the open.

2. Think about what is good for you.

You have to get over this broken heart fast so that you are able to feel better. You need to make good choices for what is good for your heart and soul. Make sure that you are not putting yourself in any situation that may be harmful for you. Getting over the breakup is important and you need to do what is best for you.

3. Taking good care of you is important.

You want to keep eating and exercising and staying healthy. You need to keep your strength up so that you are able to be strong and able to feel good about yourself. This will help you get over the break up and get back on track.

4. Let it all out if you want to.

Crying is good. You do not have to be embarrassed about crying. It is part of life. You will find that there are going to be hard times that hit you all of a sudden and you will feel like crying and letting it all out. You need to do this anyway to keep your sanity. This will help you feel better and get back on track. You need to do this when you feel the urge and do not worry about what others think.

5. Doing the things that you love the most will help you get over the break up too.

You will want to make sure that you are keeping up with your hobbies and doing what makes you the happiest. You want to keep your schedule on track and stay busy. This will help you heal faster.

6. Keeping busy is KEY.

You need to stay on the go and keep your mind occupied. This will allow you to keep old what is his name out of your mind and keep you motivated to stay healthy. You want to make sure that you are doing all that you can to stay busy. You will want to talk to your friends, go out more and spend some time with your family. These things will make you feel better and help heal your wounded heart.

7. Time is of the essence.

You need to remember that all wounds heal with time. You need to give yourself the time and soon you will notice that you are not feeling so bad and that life is good again. You will move on and find a new love that will take your mind off of the break up that you thought would ruin your life.

There is no need to worry when you are involved in a break up. Everyone has been through it and there is going to be happiness again. It will happen for you and when it does, you will feel much better that you knew what to do to get over the break up faster.

About The Author

Before you hear your own wedding bells ring, have you heard of pre-marital counselling or course?

There are plenty of such courses out there, be it in churches, family service centres or places of religions.

Couples pay quite alot to join these courses and at the end of the day, some find such courses a waste of time.

My friend took part in the course with her husband-to-be at that point in time. Her conclusion…? was that she could have better spent the time at the beach.

In fact, many aspects of maintaining a good relationship can be learnt from planning your wedding.

For instance, when it comes to budgeting, many couples find it really hard to discuss ad come to a common understanding. They have difficulty agreeing what to spend and how much to spend.

Other instances such as understanding the value and belief of your spouse-to-be. For example, the bride may feel that she needs to get the best gown and the most expensive bridal package.

The groom on the other hand may feel that they should get what they can afford.

More challenges await them when they meet the parents.

Family beliefs and power struggle are other aspects to take note.

Family beliefs such as traditional beliefs and practices at home have to be discussed.

For example, the bride’s family may have complicated wedding custom that has to be followed. However, the groom’s family is not particular over such traditions. Complications may arise from such situation of whose practices to follow.

Power struggle may arise when other family members or even relatives want to play a part in giving feedback or “helping” out at the wedding.

For example. I have this friend whose mom allowed her daughter to plan her own wedding. However, the aunties came along to give unnecessary remarks thinking that they are helpful. They didn’t know that the concerns became stressors for the bride.

Such difficulties that the bride or groom go through alone could be very good opportunity for the newly-wed to come to consensus how do they want to support each other.

These are times to understand expectations, values and beliefs of their partners as well as their families.

Wedding isn’t easy. It is not just the marriage of two people, but the marriage of two families.

To go for marriage preparation course, it is completely your decision whether or not to undergo before you get married.

Remember, going for such courses doesn’t guarantee that your wedding will be quarrel or conflict-free. It could be a good starter to look at your relationship from another angle.

Remember, maintaining a relationship will last you a lifetime.

About The Author

As a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marital therapy, one of the first things I ask is “What do you love about one another?" If the answers indicate little depth, serious trouble is indicated. Replies such "because she's pretty,” "he's fun to be with,” are troubling signs, indicating surface attraction. Once, to my horror, a client replied "Because we like the same kind of pizza.” Needless to say, this is not a foundation for a long lasting relationship!

All of this begs many questions: Do we truly love someone or simply what they do for us? Without question, we all know that money and wealth can be insidious manipulators in any union. So how does a relationship evolve from the meeting of facile needs to a stable, committed, companionship? Happily, after considerable introspection, many couples are able to identify their attraction to positive partner qualities such as compassion, intelligence, and an ability and willingness to communicate effectively. After all, if we cannot speak openly with our partners, what hope do we have? Perhaps more important, self-aware couples are able to recognize areas for potential growth, and develop a plan to jointly work on their relationship.

While some, especially new, couples may view such questioning as cynically casting doubt upon their whirlwind romance, nonetheless this type of critical self-reflection is vital in determining ultimate compatibility. Indeed, a little work now could save a lot of heartache later.

Action For The Day: After reading this article, perform a critical self-assessment in order to determine both you and your partner's motivation for continuing your relationship.

About The Author

Recognizing you have a marriage problem is the first step along the road to transforming your marriage, and for most couples simply acknowledging there is a problem shatters the marriage myth. According to love stories, movies, and fairytales we are supposed to live 'happily ever after'. But what happens when Snow White develops a drinking problem? What happens when Robin Hood's long working hours start affecting his marriage to Maid Marian? What happens when Cinderella says she has 'fallen out of love'?

We are taught in school how to do sums, how to read and recognize Shakespeare, and how to conduct scientific experiments, but what do we really know about the greatest social experiment of all, namely our ability to keep the love alive in our marriage?

The fact is we know surprisingly little, and from the moment we say "I do," we are literally flying by the seat of our pants. We don't get a manual or a textbook telling us how to get it right, so our marriage becomes an evolving set of experiments, learning and discovering more and more about ourselves and each other, and figuring out what works and what doesn't. Some say if we don't make mistakes we don't really learn, but what do those mistakes cost us, and is the cost too high for some couples?

That's why I have 3 ways to instantly transform your marriage. These are 3 things that you know will work and will help you get your marriage back on track. Let's call this your error-free way to redeem yourself and your marriage in the eyes of your partner and show them that you are committed to making positive changes in your marriage.

The first key to transforming your marriage is to stop looking at your issues on a case-by-case basis. Couples that try to solve arguments by going into the small details of every argument are never really going to deal with the big stuff. I'm talking about the issues that REALLY matter in your marriage, and the issues that keep coming up in every disagreement.

Spend too much time at work? Partner feeling unappreciated? Don't make love as much as you used to? Either of you feeling unfulfilled by your lifestyle or the relationship? Is the communication poor in your relationship? Does your need to always be right override the feelings of your partner? Spend less time worrying about the details and more time examining the issues and themes behind your arguments.

* The issue is your job. The theme behind this may be balance between work and home life.
* The issue is you not doing enough chores. The theme behind may be that you are being invited into making a greater contribution into coupledom.
* The issue is your partner being grumpy with you all the time. The theme is your partner needing to feel validated in the relationship

If you have a greater understanding of what the key themes are behind your marriage issues you are better able to develop effective solutions that will really make a difference.

The second key to transforming your relationship is to examine your beliefs about marriage. It's okay to not have the fairytale marriage. Even the best couples don't always get it right. But what makes the imperfections good or bad is how you choose as a couple to deal with it. When you disagree about something, do you sit down and talk about it, or is your first instinct to deny that there is a problem and hope that it will all go away?

You need to understand that it is okay to be imperfect. In fact, admitting this to yourself and your partner can be one of the most liberating actions you take in transforming your marriage. Admitting your imperfections exposes a vulnerability that can bring you closer together as you find ways to get some meaning out of your issues. Acknowledging that you do make mistakes can open the door to acknowledging that there is a better way to do things, and one of the lessons we are called into as a couple is finding that solution together. Make a list of things that you have learnt since you got married, and a list of areas that you as a couple can both improve on. Then try sharing that list with your partner and ask them to contribute their thoughts.

The third key to transforming your relationship is in recognizing the differences between men and women, and acknowledging the importance of both roles in the relationship. Just because your partner views something different to you doesn't make them wrong, and the same goes for you. There are often several interpretations of the truth, and the key to marriage success is in recognizing that women and men have key fundamental differences in the way they view things. For men, their view may be a much more task-oriented approach to fixing an issue, where a woman may focus more on the emotional process as you both navigate your way through marriage issues. While both approaches are different, with compromise they can both achieve the same result.

Write down 5 themes or issues. Then I want you to write down 5 task-oriented ways of trying to solve the situation. Then list 5 thoughts-based ways of communicating your way to a solution.

The first step to transforming your marriage is in transforming YOU. Being married can be scary enough, but having marriage problems and not knowing how to fix them can be paralyzing! All it takes is the ability to step outside your day-to-day issues and look at different ways of viewing your marriage. Every marriage problem invites you into growing and offers you and your partner the opportunity to learn.

Now it's up to you to take what you have learned and apply it to YOUR marriage. You too can have a fairytale marriage!

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About The Author

THE POWER OF INTIMACY

Have you ever been afraid of really loving someone? Have you been afraid of letting someone really love you? Most of us have known this fear. To love and be loved is what we want more than anything, so why would we be so afraid of having the deep, intimate experience of loving and being loved?

Why do we feel the most fear and anger with those we love the most? Why is it that domestic violence is considered by the police to be the most dangerous situation they can walk into? These are important questions. Let's consider some possible answers.

As adults, we "fall" in love. This experience of loving at some point reminds us of how we were hurt in past experiences of loving. Of course, we are afraid of being hurt, no matter how big, strong or healthy we may happen to be. So we try to protect ourselves. This is human nature.

It follows that the more we love, the more potential we have to be hurt, afraid and angry. Fortunately the love can grow and mature in such a way that the pain and fear are minimized and we no longer need anger for protection from those we love. This happens as our skill, strength, knowledge and awareness expand, allowing the more vulnerable inner core of love to grow and expand into the world around us. You can imagine this by picturing the walls of protection, fear and pain breaking down, allowing the inner circle of love in Figure 6.1 to expand and blend with the outer circle of skill, strength, knowledge and awareness. So how does this happen in real life?

THE FIRST STEP TO TRUE INTIMACY

The first step to true intimacy is to know, understand and become intimate with yourself. Your self is what you bring into a relationship. If you don't know this self or you feel ashamed of some part it, you will not be able or willing to share those aspects with your loved one. If there are wounds that have not healed, you will automatically hide and protect those wounded parts. You will not offer yourself fully to another, as is required for true intimacy, unless you feel good about the self you are offering.

This simply means that each of us must make a journey into ourselves to learn about our own defense mechanisms, to manage our fear and to heal our pain. Only then can we reach the healing core of love that is the heart of who we are. Only then will we be willing to allow someone else to really know and love us for all that we are.

The first part of ourselves we offer to others is what we consider to be our best self. We smile, shake hands or hug and act as if everything is just fine, whether it is or not. We show our social skills, demonstrate our knowledge and awareness in our conversation and try to give the impression of being a healthy, together person. This is the realm in which we operate at work or with people we don't know very well. This is the part of ourselves we use to "make a good impression" on someone we like. This may even be all we really know of ourselves.

In school and throughout our lives, we have gained knowledge, skill, strength and awareness about the world around us--but we never really learned very much about ourselves. But it is your self that you are having trouble with. Your anger comes from you, not from somewhere else.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE DEFENSES?

One of the first things that happens when you start trying to get to know yourself is that you run into your own defense mechanisms. Defenses fall into two basic categories: fight and flight. In other words, we tend to protect and defend ourselves by either getting angry or getting out--of the situation.

Do you know how to take a break in a relationship to give yourself time to think and calm down? If not, are you trying to solve your problems with anger, and finding that you're only making it worse? Do you shut down until you can't stand it any more and then you explode in anger?

Don't judge yourself at this point, just try to figure out what your defense strategies are.

Next ask yourself what you are afraid of when you are using these defense methods. Whether you know it or not, you are afraid of being hurt when you're angry. Fear drives your anger. If you don't know what your fear is, you will be blindly controlled by your anger.

Fear falls into two basic categories. We are either afraid of being attacked, assaulted, smothered or violated (something happening to us), or we are afraid of losing someone or something we love (feelings of rejection, abandonment and jealousy come into play here). All of your fears came from some past experience of pain.

To deal with your anger, you have to understand your fear. To understand your fear you have to understand and heal your pain.

We have all been hurt. That's part of being human. If you don't know your pain, you are unconsciously driven by efforts to avoid it happening again. This is what drives most of the anger problems we see in the world every day.

Your task is to learn how you were hurt, and heal those wounds. That will take the fire out from under your fear and anger, and you will be able to gain control.

You can do it. Don't ever give up on yourself!

THE INTIMACY YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED

When you have experienced some emotional healing from your past wounds, you will be a more compassionate, empathetic and loving person. This will make your efforts at intimacy much more successful.

Intimacy is not just great romance, fun and affection. Intimacy is being close and connected through the hard times. Which means being comfortable with your own and your partner's pain and fear.

I have found in my 30 plus years of counseling that when a person heals from her/his emotional wounds of the past, intimacy becomes possible for the first time. The skills are easy to learn, once you're ready!

About The Author

Has your relationship lost the spark that it once had? Do you remember when you had butterflies in your tummy when the phone rang, hoping it was them? When you just couldn't wait to see them again? When their smell, smile or look in their eyes ...

Now you think to yourself…what happened? How did we lose that "lovin' feeling'? Where did it all go? You look at your partner and see all the things that are "wrong" with them. They don't smile any more…and neither do you. And…their smell…well they can go take a shower!

It's not uncommon to hear that the things that once turned each other on now turn each other off. What once was cute is now annoying. What once you tolerated is now intolerable.

Well, what did happen? Probably the very two things that destroy most relationships – unfulfilled love strategies and a whole bunch of negative associations.

Let's talk about love strategies. What is a love strategy? It's what needs to happen in order for you to feel loved? How do you know what your love strategy is? Simple…just answer this question, "What needs to happen in order for me to feel loved?" Is it that simple? Well, it's a simple question, however the answer can be quite complex…depending on how many rules you have for being loved.

When talking with one couple have a challenging time in their relationship. I asked them that very question, "What needs to happen in order for you to feel loved?" The husband jokingly answered "She just needs to show up!" The truth behind his answer was that in order to feel loved she needed to act a certain way, do certain things, and say certain things. In other words he had a whole set of criteria that needed fulfilling in order for him to feel loved by her. In fact his rules were so limiting that there was no way that she could possibly meet these requirements…and so despite her best efforts to express her love to him he felt unloved by her. The wife answered this question with a long list of things and when we broke it down what she really needed in order to feel loved was his undivided attention. When we looked at how they were going about loving each other we quickly discovered that she was trying to express her love for him by telling him how much she loved him. She did this because that is how she felt loved – when she had his attention and he told her he loved her – but he rarely did that! He was trying to express his love for her by buying her gifts – because he felt loved when she bought him things that he liked. Each of them were in the throws of the fatal mistake of expressing their love the way that they felt loved and their relationship was becoming increasingly distant.

So, find out what you need in order to feel loved. Get out a pen and paper and write it down. Be honest with yourself. Don't just write what you think sounds good – write truly, really what needs to happen in order for you to feel loved. Discover if your rules are easy to fulfil or impossible to fulfil. If you discover that you have a whole heap of rules that make it impossible for you to feel loved then…guess what? Now you can get rid of them and look forward to feeling loved. He with the least rules is happiest!

Of course, you need some basic rules – these will probably be what you can't do without – things that are aligned with what you truly value. For example: if you value honesty then a rule that you have may be that you always tell the truth to one another; if you value monogamy, then your rule will be that you don't sleep around; if you value respect, then you may have a rule that you don't raise your voice or swear at each other. The harder your rules are to fulfil then the more likely your partner will break your rules and then you won't feel loved – the connection and passion between you will begin to die.

If you want to keep that lovin' feeling have rules that are easy to fulfil and serve your values.

The next part is important - find out what your partner needs in order to feel loved.

* Do they feel loved when you do things for them?
* Do they feel loved when you tell them you love them?
* Do they feel loved when you buy them gifts?
* Do they feel loved when you touch them?
* Do they feel loved when you spend quality time with them?

Strike up a conversation with them about what they need in order to feel loved…and then, here's the thing…(as long as it doesn't compromise your values) do it for them! If a surprise bunch of flowers makes her feel loved then do it. If buying him something he loves does it…then go for it. If telling she's beautiful and you love her makes her eyes light up then there's your key to passion. If massaging his shoulders without being asked makes him relax then there's your pass to love.

In relationships, most couples don't do what it takes! They say "Well, when she…then I'll…" Each is waiting for the other to make an effort. Here is the big truth…this is NOT your practice relationship – this is your relationship – either you make an effort to make it work or not! It's up to you! Are you going to do what it takes?

We train people how to treat us. So, don't compromise on the things that matter most to you. If your partner does something to upset you let them know how you feel and ask them to find another way to relate to you. If you don't let them know that certain things are unacceptable to you then more than likely they will continue this behaviour until you can't bear it any more. Train each other how to fulfil each other's love strategies.

Apart from not knowing how to fulfil your partner's love strategy the next thing that will kill your relationship is negative associations. What does this mean? We unconsciously link certain emotions to specific things that our partner does. This works great if we link positive emotions to the things that they do…however, if we link a negative emotion to something that they do then even the smallest, insignificant thing can bring the relationship to a grinding halt. Notice when something your partner does excites an unreasonable reaction in you – ask yourself "What is this really about?"

I was working with a couple who were at odds with one another and they didn't know why. We discovered that as soon as he came home and she asked him how his day was that he immediately disconnected from her. He had gone through tough time at work and had associated coming home and seeing her face with recalling his tough days and would automatically feel burdened and frustrated. It had nothing to do with her but unconsciously he had linked the two things together. They need to BREAK THE PATTERN. She decided to create some surprises for him for when he came home – and their relationship flourished.

What patterns do you need to break? What is zapping the passion from your relationship? Find fun and creative ways to sever these links so that you can have your relationship explode with passion.

Finally what does it ultimately take to have passion in your relationship?

It takes you BEING passionate!

If you want passion then be passionate – BE, DO, HAVE – be passionate, do passionate things and have passion.

Make that decision now and commit to being passionate. Find out what your partner needs to feel love and passion. Break the patterns that are holding you back and create new loving, passionate patterns. This IS your relationship NOW – create it the way you want it.

About The Author

Happiness is a precious gift. The pursuit of happiness should direct one to look within oneself and to the love that surrounds us. Happiness means well-being, sound health, and calm mind. Man is a social being and in spite of the nuclear society we live in today, all our relationships make us what we are. And one of the most important of them all is the institution of marriage. Marriage means commitment, love and understanding. More often than not the pursuit happiness ends in marriage.

Marriage is a firm bonding based on love, passion and sexual desire. Each equally important in its own sphere as we know that life should have a complete balance of love and commitment. Marriage is an ultimate commitment of life to peruse the natural way to attain happiness.

Pursuit of happiness through a marriage however is an individualistic view. While even half a century earlier marriage was the ultimate goal, the contemporary world has seen a drastic change in the way relationships are viewed. While marriage is still a revered institution it is no longer a respectability and recognition mandate, especially for women. Both genders today are equally ambitious and successful which makes the pursuit for happiness all the more definitive.

A happy and successful marriage today entails partners who deserve each other. They are a perfect match intellectually, physically and emotionally. Pursuit of happiness in marriage also includes the achievement of material comforts that ease the way for two people to share a lifetime together.

Pursuit of happiness in a marriage depends on making the right choices. Since ancient times marriage has been a source to attain real happiness and fulfillment in life. Marriage brings a sense of completeness in both men and women. This philosophy is reflected in all religions and isms that teach us to look deeper within ourselves. Marriage is the most natural institution formed by man. Evolution has made humans realize their gender differences and compatibility. Marriage has given them a formal bonding and an atmosphere to raise their children.

The pursuit of happiness through marriage is therefore a phenomenon that has come down through generations. It is a time-tested and proven theory which holds true even today because it is result of not human actions but human belief. It is an intrinsic aspect of human practicality. That is why, while many customs have come and gone with civilizations, marriage has lasted over centuries. Man’s pursuit of happiness is incomplete without the sanctity and bliss of a wedded life.

About The Author

When partners are having problems, they often say that the problem is communication. What exactly does this mean? What are they trying to communicate?

There are various reasons for communicating:

1. Sometimes we communicate to offer information about ourselves, such as, "I'm going out for a walk," or "The dinner reservations are for 7:00."

2. Sometimes we communicate to ask for help with tasks, such as, "I need to move the couch to clean under it and I can't lift it. Would you help me?"

3. Sometimes we communicate to learn something about the other person, such as "Please help me to understand why you are feeling upset with me. I care about you and I really want to understand."

4. Sometimes we communicate to ask for help regarding ourselves, such as, "I’m feeling very anxious and I don't know why. Would you talk with me for awhile? Maybe if I talk about it I will understand it."

For the most part, these forms of communication do not cause problems, unless there is an ulterior motive. An ulterior occurs when the intention of the communication is to have some control over the other person. When the intent of the above communications is to offer information, ask for help, or to learn, then there will likely not be problems. But these same communications can be spoken with an intent to control. The intent to control will be communicated through a harsh or judgmental tone of voice and through a hard, closed energy.

For example, "I'm going from a walk!" said with anger, has behind it an intent to control the other person through punishment. The real communication is "You have behaved in a way that is unacceptable to me so I am punishing you by withdrawing from you." "The dinner reservations are for 7:00," can be said in a tone that says, "…and you better be there."

Asking for help in moving the couch can be either a request or a demand, depending upon the intent. A request can be answered, "Sorry, I'm really busy right now. I will help you later," without repercussions. When the same thing is said as a demand, the other person is not allowed to say no without negative consequences.

You can ask someone why he or she is upset with you from a true desire to learn, or from an intent to control. When your intent is to control, you will likely argue with whatever the person says, trying to talk him or her out of the upset.

When you are upset, you can ask for help because you really do want to learn and take responsibility for your feelings, or because you want the other person to fix you, to take care of you, to rescue you. People often want to communicate their feelings to get the other person to change, rather than to learn and take responsibility for their feelings.

Problems with communication will always occur when the intent is to control. So when clients of mine say, "We can't communicate," I immediately know that one or both of them are coming from an intent to control in their communications. They are intent on trying to get the other person to change.

The intent to control often creates power struggles in relationships. While most people certainly want to be in control, they do not want to be controlled. So when one person is coming from the intent to control, the other person may respond with resistance. Power struggles result when one person behaves in a controlling way and the other person resists being controlled.

When one person is intent on controlling and the other gives in to keep the peace, it may seem like the relationship is working. However, the compliant person is often covertly angry and may resist in an other area, such as sexually. When you give yourself up to avoid conflict, you generally resent the person you give yourself up to, which doesn't create the emotional intimacy necessary to feel sexually intimate.

Next time you want to communicate with your partner, ask yourself, "Why do I want to communicate?" If you discover that you are wanting to get the other person to change, consider doing your own inner work instead - deciding how to take care of yourself instead of trying to get your partner to change. You might discover that you get a far better result!

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